At a recent Kiwanis Club luncheon we had our attention directed to bullying. Our high school Kiwanis groups called Key Clubs ran the meeting. I had some input into the meeting as Chair of the Program Committee and I felt that the topic of bullying was particularly relevant to young people. I would have preferred if our young people were of middle school age since professionals tell me that virulent bullying starts at that age—say 10 to 13. At an older age some reason enters into the discussion. At a younger age the pain associated with not belonging sometime can’t be easily reasoned away. At any age the result of bullying may be as extreme of suicide. A while ago ABC ran a segment where child female actors were set up in a park. There was obvious and viscous bulling going on. Not one the passersby stopped. They were either afraid to stop or did not kno what to do if they interceded.
It got me thinking. There is no age limit to bullying. A recent CBC noon segment dealt with bullying on the job. The scary part is that, while the bully could be easily identified, ordinary people became part of a “mob” that tried to convince the victim that he or she would be better off if he or she resigned the position. Whether the collateral bullies did so out of trying to curry favour with the bully is not known. Adult bullying is every bit as emotionally harmful as teen or pre teen bullying. One victim was so emotionally destroyed that she could never return to work.
In a recent post I noted how easy it is for ordinary people to justify hatred toward a certain group. How easy it was, for example, for ordinary citizens to vilify and dehumanize the Jews in Germany or the Japanese in Canada. Ordinary people can, equally, single out an individual for harsh treatment. Job bullying was almost always accompanied by mob support directed toward the victim. In interviews those accomplices were chagrined to find out that they were as much a part of the problem as the lead bully. In almost all cases the victim was, in some way, dehumanized. By this action the bullying was justified by the bullies.
I have sometimes been uncomfortable when someone tells a joke that is clearly racist. I admit to laughing at some of them. However, there comes a time—or should come a time—when the perpetrator must be told that you won’t listen to or participate in what is clearly racist. It’s hard. While you may gain some self-esteem, you may lose a friend. In the same way it is everyone’s responsibility to stand up to a bully. The easiest part is not to become part of the mob that is aggravating the victim. The hardest part is to stand up to the bully. Yes, you may say that it’s not your problem. However, it is your problem only because, for selfish reasons, the next victim may be you.
Here are some things to think about. First, deal with the victim. On the ABC segment, professionals advised that the first act of the interceder was to remove the victim from the bullies. To make sure that he or she is all right and could get to a safe place without enduring any more harm. It was unlikely that the interceder was going to make much of an impact on the bullies in the short term. In case of bullying on the job, don’t become part of the mob. Do help the victim. If it is clear that bullying is going on get help for the victim by going to whatever dispute resolution system the job offers. Sometimes it’s a union. Sometimes it’s a lawyer. The victim is, usually, not thinking clearly. If it is job bullying, make sure that the victim keeps precise notes of the events of bullying and the perpetrators. You can corroborate these occurrences and therefore support the victim. In the case of the bullying of young people, the bullies should be exposed to the school, their respective parents and, sometimes, the police. In many cases bullying involves cyber actions by texting, Facebook and other social media. I have heard of one case where the parents of the victim threatened legal action against the parents of the perpetrator. The bullying stopped. In any case don’t stand by and do nothing.
Bernie.
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