Several items have come across my desk in the past weeks. At first they did not seem at all related. Now, they are taking enough shape so that I can post on the subject. The latest is the recent Supreme Court of the United States decision knocking down the California law forbidding the sale of violent video games to children. The second, is the shocking degree to which young children are obese. The third is the directive to a choir director by a Catholic board of eduction that touching children in the course of teaching them how to sing is forbidden. This last action came from a complaint from a distraught parent whose child's posture was corrected by a gentle touch to the shoulder. The last item concerns new rules in organized soccer that would do away with scoring so that there would be no winners and no losers in the game. What brings all of these things together is the role that parents play in transmitting values to their children.
There is no doubt that parents play a significant role in the development of their children. That being said I have witnessed many children who grow up into responsible adults notwithstanding a horrendous home life. Life is funny that way. But what we do as parents can have a significant effect, both positive and negative, on our kids. But parenting poses problems.
For instance, those families that are blessed with monetary abundance have to balance indulgence against ever increasing demands for material things by the child. I can remember a time when the only present I got was for my birthday. Now it is not uncommon for children to get presents at every turn. Kid's rooms are a collection of junk that is mostly unused. There appears to be no sense of anticipation for kids. Say a word and here it it.
If there is such as thing as child hypochondria some parents I know have a giant case of it. The child is supposed to live in a sterile bubble that no harm can come to him or her. What will happen to that child when he or she faces a world where risk is an ordinary part of life?
There are winners and losers in life and where that's learned best of all is on the sports field. What's also learned is that there are those who are more gifted than others in sports. Adaptive kids will find a way around that. Sheltered kids may not.
And what about fat kids? What we know is that foods dense in calories are the most cheap. Try buying fresh vegetables and proteins on a modest income. That said, even those kids who come from more affluent homes are equally afflicted by obesity. One of the reasons is that two income parents rarely cook meals anymore. More prepared foods are purchased and brought into the home. These are usually dense in fat and salt--a sure prescription for obesity.
And what about violent video games? We were the kind of parents who never bought toy guns for our kids. However, they took from whatever was at hand and fashioned weapons while yelling "bang, bang, you're dead". Whether it's cowboys and indians or Canadians versus Nazis, all kids tend to play war games. It is only when a child has difficulty with seeing the difference between fantasy and reality that trouble may arise. As a child I saw repeated versions of the Road Runner where the Wily Fox comes to violent ends only to rise again from the ashes. I could easily distinguish between that kind of violence and hitting another kid on the head with a rock.
What all of these things have in common is that they require active parenting. I will readily admit that my son is a more active parent that I was. He is more part of his kid's life than I was. Sad but true. However, I believe that my son is a responsible adult who overcame whatever neglect I carried out when he was growing up. That being said, all of the items above require parents to be parents. Sometimes they require painful confrontations with kids where the easiest course of action is to turn away. A parent is both cheerleader, mentor and an unconditional font of love.
Happy Canada Day and the 4th
Bernie.
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